When you put on a really cute lingre type dress, light candles and turn on music for a cute night with your boyfriend, and he walks in, looks at you and says “I’m not in the mood.”

US:

Let’s start in August. August 7th, to be exact. A boy and a girl, a thunderstorm and a connection was all it took. I knew that day you were what I wanted, and what I had looked for for so long. I was done with hookups and partying, and had literally convinced myself I was forever alone. I remember our first kiss, it was the next day. He didn’t even kiss me, I kissed him. I got caught up the moment; but I don’t regret it at all. We were in the rain. I couldn’t stop laughing, and I couldn’t stop holding him. Days and days went by, and we would hangout, and text all day, everyday. I remember our second kiss. We were in his room, and I was laying on his bed on my back, and he fell on top of me and he kissed me. I remember our first sleep over, something around a week after. I was terrified, and the butterflies in my stomach were nearly eating me alive. Our “thing” continued for a bit longer, but my insecurities started getting to me. I wanted a relationship, and security, and if he didn’t, I wasn’t going to stay around. August 21st,2011 I was officially in a relationship. I remember how he “asked”. I had just gotten out of the shower, and he was sitting on the corner of his bed. I hadn’t said anything, I was just drying my hair when I heard him say “Babe, can we make it official now?”. My heart fell to my stomach and I nodded yes, and kissed him. I remember the first time he said “I love you” to me. I cried, because I was scared, and I was vulnerable. I had given up an entire side of my family, including my Father to be with this boy. I loved him from the fucking start.

The Summer was coming to a close, as it was September. I felt like we got to know each other better a lot in September. He was the first guy I ever completely opened up to. The first guy I ever cried in front of, and told everything to. One night, my stepdad was put into the hospital while I was at his house. I had no way of getting anywhere, and I was an upset and nervous wreck. He brought me into his room, made me grilled cheese and tomato soup, and listened to me. That was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me before. Not to mention, his Mom randomly bought me a shirt, and he gave me a pair of old skinny jeans for school the next day. I slept over every weekend, and by this point, I had stopped socializing with a lot of people, because I didn’t care about a lot of the people I used to hangout with anymore. He was all I cared about.

October is pretty painful. Not only because you have to say your official goodbyes to any chance of beautiful weather, but because you often find yourself in miscommunication issues. As close as we were, we’d still argue. NO couple is absolutely perfect. In the beginning of October, we didn’t really argue much. Towards the middle, I became attached to him. Then, towards the end, our tiny arguments led into screaming,tears, and multiple break ups. I could never leave him, and it was fucking official.

The month of November was an emotional roller coaster. I spent the week of Thanksgiving break with him and his family, because as I said before, I was disowned by my Dad’s side, and that’s where I would’ve gone otherwise. Him and his family made my week perfect. It was a week of non-stop cuddling, food, and movies. In the last couple of days of November, we got into one of our biggest fights. I don’t know how any of it happened to be honest, I just know we both said some pretty bitchy things, and I had no idea we were broken up until I called him and he told me. I woke up in the morning to a facebook status that said “Officially fucking single.” That probably hurt the worst. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t go to school, because I didn’t sleep. The only thing I wanted was him. My Mom dropped me off, and I had a whole speech to give him about how we need to end everything, stop talking and walk away. When I got there, it was as if I never wrote those words, and I just fell asleep cuddling with him. We were still together.

It’s officially December, and I’ve never in my life felt this strongly for any other person. He’s always on my mind and I feel homesick without him. But want to know the truth? It scares the shit out of me. I’m scared he’ll get annoyed by me, or that I’ll be twice as hurt in the end. That’s another thing, an end. I can’t possibly force myself to see an end to us. I talk to him on the phone every night until I literally fall asleep on the phone, and see him almost everyday. Let’s face it, I get insecure. Especially when the boy I’m dating seems to be irresistible to everyone in the female race. I’m a girl, what the fuck do you expect? It happens, and I want to apologize to him for that, because he doesn’t deserve to deal with that shit. It’s come down to the point where I don’t even look at another guy. They don’t matter. Because no one is as real as him. He knows everything about me, he knows my insecurities and my flaws, and he accepts every single fucking one of them. I’m in love with him. I don’t care about age, I care about my feelings. I fucking love you, Nestor.